Couples Therapy Principles
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At Inner Motus Therapy we provide support through present awareness, attunement and practical tools to begin to relate to each other from our Adult Self in the present moment. As we learn how to take care of, self sooth, acknowledge and communicate with Self and each other, our relationships often transform into healthy, stable, reality based connections. Ruby works actively in sessions primarily with three main pillars when supporting couples:
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This is a fundamental part of relating. We need and want to be able to Feel each other. We are pack animals with attachment systems at play in our relationships and if we miss this key part to the work, we often will be stuck in protective cycles. Attainment is about building capacity and awareness of the present moment and learning to share that moment with each other. When all emotional states are “known” to the body and are no longer always linked with fear (unless “real” danger is present) we have a better ability to express and share these states with each other.
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This is more of the somatic body awareness and is connected to our original childhood patterning (attachment content). How our emotions, including emotional pain as children was worked with, and if that supported our nervous system to develop a sense of safety in the body and emotional states of being/expressing. Often times we will play out our attachment wounding, or protective patterns we learnt a long time ago, this was protective at one point, but often does not serve us any longer, especially if the pattern is the only choice we have in the moment. At Inner Motus Ruby works with you to develop more conscious choice while honouring and understanding the original pattern. This is about being present and noticing if danger is actually present, or if it’s your body responding to another time.
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This is a key part of adult relating. We need to have awareness of our words, our actions and how they meet each other in partnership. The integrity and honesty of our words matters and many of us learn to say “the right” words, rather than the true and honest words. Ruby supports you to speak with honesty, clarity and integrity, that what you feel is what you say, however, this is also about the saying things to our partners that honours the bond, the relationship and each other as human beings.
Couples Therapy Session Styles
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The primary work that is done throughout therapy is emotional attunement. This is a practice that allows the body to stay soft (out of tense fear states) while being with, or communicating with your partner. This allows us to feel each other, stay in connection while “big” relational things are moving. Ruby supports you in the moment to work with what arises that may take you into pain, withdrawal, defensiveness or tension, learn how to honour our protective body movements, and practice staying soft and connected in the body with each other.
Ruby works with couples of all genders, stages and phases of their relationships, and has skills at working with conflict, as well as developing deeper and more sustainable, Joyful connections that include play, fun and Love.
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Gottmans therapy is one of the best researched and effective ways of working with couples to enhance relational competency, communication, and connection.
Gottmans sessions are more structured and have a specific layout:
1) Online assessment done by each partner (60-120 minutes to complete)
2) An initial session which is used to share the history and current landscape of your relationship (90 minutes)
3) one individual session each where Ruby gets to know your personal history (60 minutes)
4) A feedback session which is a session that incorporates feedback from the assessment, initial session and each individual session. This outlines what patterns may be playing out and how we can work with them (90 minutes)
5) Start of ongoing couples therapy (90 minutes)
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Eye to Eye Breathwork is a form of Conscious Connected Breathwork that is a deep form of intimacy and connection which bypasses the thinking mind and allows us to connect with each other through body and spirit.
How a session runs: This session runs for 60 minutes, and starts with a check in and intention setting, what you would like to go towards in the session as a partnership (20 minutes). The method of breathing and eye gazing is taught and a safe container is set. The eye to eye breathwork goes for about 25 minutes. The integration and check in afterwards utilises the last 15 minutes.
Who is this for: This is for couples looking for a deeper and more intimate connection. Who are ready to explore mind, body, spirit and heart based partnership. This is not always appropriate work for those in active conflict who don’t have foundations for healthy conflict as of yet. Start with the other forms of therapeutic work first.